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37 to One: Living Life as an Integrated Multiple
By Phoenix J. Hocking Brandon, VT: Safer Society Press, 1996, 79 pages, $12.00 (paper).
37 to One: Living Life as an Integrated Multiple by Phoenix J. Hocking (formerly Sandra J. Hocking) realistically discusses many issues surrounding integration of alters in individuals with multiple personalities. The author is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and ritual abuse who was previously diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). In this book Hocking shares experiences regarding her own integration and healing process (which she has been working on in therapy) with the reader.
Hocking wrote this book because after her integration she was consistently asked the same questions about what integration feels like, how she did it, and if she is lonely. Many of these questions were asked by individuals with DID. She was trying to help fill a void in literature or resources that discuss what happens after integration. She states that “it seemed that after integration multiples just fell off the end of the earth (p. 6).
She also remembers having many questions and fears about integration herself. Hocking writes that she had alters who feared, as many do, that they would be killed during integration. She had therefore resisted integration in the past, but she believes that she was ready for it when it happened. She explains that her alters had been participating in “Joining”, a process in which certain alters come together for a period of time to help handle certain situations but can then separate again (p. 26). She also had most of her memories so many of her alters did not have jobs anymore. She thinks that they were all ready for integration but did not know it.
In 37 to One, the author addresses fears that many individuals with DID have concerning integration. Many people think of integration as a loss. Hocking writes that she did not experience it as a loss, but as change and growth. She sees it as “a natural progression” in her healing (p. 38). She describes her own integration as an unplanned event that happened in the presence of a safe friend who was coaxing her to look through her fear, rage, and pain. Her alters came together and embraced as she did this and she was integrated. Hocking herself views this as unconventional and explains that integration did not just happen. She and her alters worked hard in therapy to get to a place where they were ready for integration. She points out that this is not “a road map” for others but a subjective account of her own process (p. 15). The author states that just because she found integration to be a positive experience, does not mean that everyone should do it. Everyone should make this decision within their own system with the aid of their therapist.
Hocking explains what it is like to be integrated, discussing positive changes and difficulties that arose from it. She states that she feels present all of the time, has most of the talents and abilities of her alters, and no longer hears voices in her head. Her alters did not die, they all live together as her. She states “I didn’t lose a thing worth keeping” (p. 29). Hocking feels better about herself because she knows that she can solve problems all by herself. She experiences growth from being present during tough situations. To Hocking, integration means freedom--the freedom to choose how her life is lived and freedom from the burden of classifying herself as a victim. On the down side, she has to accept all memories as hers and has to take responsibility for everything that she does. She cannot just switch when she gets tired or feels overwhelmed.
Hocking also talks about the importance of forgiveness and making peace with the past. Hating and blaming only hurts the individual doing the hating and blaming. It wastes valuable time and energy and does not hurt the abuser(s). Forgiveness does not mean saying that what happened was okay, it means “not carrying around the burden of blame” (p. 40). Hocking now sees that she gained strength and compassion from surviving her childhood and healing. Survivors can use their past experiences to help others.
37 to One is divided into chapters that each deal with a different topic that relates to integration and DID treatment and healing, such as “How It Feels”, “Making Peace with My Past”, and “Being Present”. The book has several assets, one of which is lists of resources on multiplicity and healing such as books, newsletters, support groups and organizations, and catalogs of other resources. There is also an appendix that explains the process of changing one’s name, if the client should decide to do so. Other strengths include the fact that the book is relatively short and that the language is not difficult to understand and is suitable for adults of any age. The author is honest in her discussion of how integration has affected her, discussing the negative aspects along with the positive.
The book discusses spirituality and mentions God a few times. This is not necessarily an advantage or a disadvantage, but the therapist may want to be cognizant of the client’s views on spirituality and religion before assigning this book, as some clients may be put off by these aspects of it. One drawback to 37 to One is that it contains a few graphic scenes. Consequently, it would not be appropriate for clients who are in the early stages of therapy, who the therapist suspects may be triggered by these scenes, or who are having safety issues. Also, if the client is in the early stages of treatment, thinking about integration may be overwhelming as it may appear to be a mammoth goal that seems impossible to achieve.
37 to One would be an effective bibliotherapy tool for working with clients with DID who are far enough along in treatment to be considering integration as a viable option. It would be especially helpful for individuals who have fears regarding integration. It is most appropriate for individuals who are in the last stages of therapy. The book may be suitable for clients who do not normally read for enjoyment. Because the book is relatively short and easy to read there is not much chance that the reader will get bored. When using this book as a supplement to therapy, the therapist could assign readings which are most pertinent to a particular client. Many of the chapters are only 5 or 6 pages long, so even a client with a busy schedule could easily read 2 or 3 chapters between sessions. These can then be discussed during therapy and the client can process their feelings about the readings with the therapist.
I would recommend 37 to One be used as an adjunct to therapy for any adults with DID who are in the final stages of therapy and have questions and fears about integration. The book is a quick, easy read and gives an honest account of the writer’s experiences involving integration, and is appropriate for use with client-centered, psychodynamic, or cognitive-behavioral therapy. The author discusses pros and cons of integration as well as other topics relative to the healing of abuse survivors, such as forgiveness. It would be a constructive addition to therapy for clients who are considering integration with their therapists.