Return to:
News and Views
Reviews: Books
Parenting the Strong-Willed Child
By Rex Forehand, Ph.D. and Nicholas Long, Ph.D. Chicago: Contemporary Books, 2002 (Revised and Updated), $14.95, 264 pp.
In the revised edition of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, authors Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long provide an in-depth guide of their five-week therapeutic program geared towards managing strong-willed behavior. Forehand and Long describe strong-willed children as having a strong sense of independence. They note that this independence has positive aspects, such as assertiveness, confidence and persistence, as well as negative aspects including stubbornness, argumentativeness and defiance. Their behavior-focused program encourages parents to focus on the positive aspects of their child’s behavior, while minimizing the negatives which often cause difficulties in parenting and family relationships.
Forehand and Long divide the book into four main sections, the first of which helps the reader understand the origins of strong-willed behavior and factors that contribute to it, such as modeling and reinforcement. In addition, one chapter focuses specifically on differentiating strong-willed behaviors from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and provides suggestions on how to proceed, as well as possible treatments if the child is displaying primarily ADHD symptoms. The rest of the book focuses on different ways one may modify the contributing factors in order to decrease negative aspects of strong-willed behavior. The second section focuses on five research-based parenting techniques that are introduced on a weekly basis and designed to effectively manage strong-willed behavior. In order to create substantial change, Forehand and Long explain that there must be positive environmental factors set in place, aimed at augmenting the aforementioned techniques. This is discussed in the third section and includes learning effective communication and problem-solving techniques, as well as developing more patience. The fourth section focuses on general parenting strategies for specific problem behaviors that occur in many children, such as getting dressed in the morning.
The entire book acts as a helpful parenting guide, with the bulk of their program for strong-willed children located in the second section. The authors begin this part by encouraging the parent to examine how he or she handles any strong-willed behavior. Once established, the authors introduce the techniques in the book, which are mostly behavioral in nature and appear to be based on the principles of operant conditioning. The program’s general mechanism of creating behavioral change is attention, applying and removing it as reinforcement tool. The first technique taught is known as attending, where the parent spends time giving their child attention by making a running commentary of their appropriate actions. The second week concentrates on rewarding, which focuses on offering verbal, physical, and activity rewards, more so than materialistic rewards. Week three emphasizes ignoring, thus removing attention, from inappropriate behavior. The fourth and fifth weeks educate parents on how to effectively give directions and time-outs, respectively.
Forehand and Long detail each technique and supplement the content with helpful worksheets throughout each chapter, aimed at keeping the parent engaged in the program. They do a thorough job of offering valuable and comprehensible information in a concise fashion. The book, particularly the layout, is straightforward and well organized. The provided checklists, descriptions of behaviors, and techniques supply parents with an understanding of these behaviors as well as how to successfully manage them. Additionally, the authors lay out weekly schedules to guide parents on exactly how to practice each step of the program effectively. As another aid, they showcase two hypothetical families in different situations and illustrate how they handle each phase of the program. All of these tools may help facilitate and motivate the reader in practicing each skill and working through the entire program.
Particularly with the inclusion of the last section, this book provides helpful information for all parents dealing with common child-rearing problems. Forehand and Long briefly examine several problem behaviors including temper tantrums and getting dressed in the morning, and offer several management tips. For parents curious about specific problem behaviors, the authors list various resources available to contact for further information. Moreover, many of the aspects discussed in the third section, such as the communication skills and problem-solving techniques may be beneficial to all parents. The skills may even be extended for siblings of strong-willed children to improve family relationships in general. Thus, although the book focuses on strong-willed children, the information and skills may be beneficial for all members of a family.
Right from the start of the book, Forehand and Long empathize with parents’ likely struggles with a strong-willed child. They support the parents throughout the book, even suggesting that parents reward themselves for putting forth effort and completing assignments. Furthermore, they emphasize the universality of parenting struggles with strong-willed children by reassuring the reader that he or she is not alone. In addition, they convey that there are several factors that contribute to a child’s strong-willed behavior, removing any preconceived notion that parents are solely to blame. This may allow parents to feel less guilty about their role in their child’s strong-willed behavior. One possible detriment is the authors’ decision to treat the reader as a female parent with a male strong-willed child. Although they write a disclaimer that the decision was purely to consolidate the book, it may make the book seem impersonal for a male parent or female strong-willed child.
The quality of change offered by this book may be enhanced in conjunction with a psychotherapist, especially one familiar with, and trained in, these techniques. There are two main ways to use the book, which vary depending on the client’s needs. If the client is looking for specific behavioral treatment for their strong-willed child, it may be best to work closely with a psychotherapist on each technique, heavily incorporating the book into sessions. Since the application of each technique may vary for each individual, the psychotherapist may be able to help guide the parent and tailor the program to his or her unique situation.
As an example, a parent may come to a session having read an assigned section on a specific technique, such as attending. Having background knowledge, the psychotherapist may educate the parent as well as demonstrate the process of attending. Subsequently, the psychotherapist and the parent may engage in role-playing activities, practicing previously occurring scenarios where attending may have been appropriate. At the end of the session, they may decide upon a specific behavior that the parent should practice attending to and possibly set up a schedule to help prepare the parent for these at-home sessions. Also, the book may be useful as an immediate reference for any obstacles that may occur during that week. The next session may focus on discussing any problems that the book was not able to address as well as any questions the parent may have. Once clear, the session may focus on a new skill or other problem areas.
Alternatively, the book may also be used as a supplement, in which the psychotherapist primarily works on issues with a strong-willed child in his or her own style. In this setting, the book’s purpose would be for further clarification of skills as well as suggestions on creative ways to implement the techniques. This approach may fit well with clients who prefer more interaction with a psychotherapist and may not have time for extra reading. Likewise, this approach would be ideal for clients who want to work on general parenting issues with their other children. In particular, clients who feel inadequate in their parenting strategies would benefit from the ideas outlined in the third and fourth sections. Thus, while working on techniques for a strong-willed child, the parent may use the book to help his or her other children, such as learning how to develop each child’s problem solving skills. Moreover, this approach may work well with clients seeking other ways to improve their family’s relationship. As an example, part three contains suggestions on developing patience and enhancing communication among family members. Regardless of the way it is employed, Parenting the Strong-Willed Child may be a valuable resource for parents and psychotherapists alike.