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Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding and Ending School Yard Tyranny
By Peter Sheras, Ph.D., with Sherill Tippins. New York: Skylight Press, 2002, 224 pages, $13.00
Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding and Ending School Yard Tyranny is a synthesis of research, statistics, examples and guidelines aimed at clearing up the misconceptions of the bullying phenomenon. It focuses on what a parent or child can do to reduce the incidence of bullying. This book is most likely read by a parent of a victim of a bully, but would also be helpful to any adult who is in an environment where bullying can occur such as a teacher or coach. This book would also be helpful to a family who has sought psychotherapy and is describing a bullying situation. A psychotherapist could assign certain chapters based on the presenting problem. Used in this manner this book could be a very useful tool in the education of bullying.
Sheras’ knowledge and experience working with bullying situations are evident through out this book. He addresses both the victim’s and bully’s situation and helps to minimize the stereotypes that exist about theses two types of children. Sheras provides a clear definition of bullying which helps to clarify whether a child could be involved in such a situation. Additionally, he explains different types of bullying situations from the stereotypical stealing lunch money bully to the technologically advanced methods such as spreading rumors via email. This book highlights methods of bullying that the average person may not assume would be an environment in which bullying can occur. Not only are these areas described, but also clear examples of bullying situations are used through out the text, which aid in understanding.
The format of this book is clear and acts as a textbook with the size and easy reading of a paperback. The content areas of each chapter are well delineated for easy reference. Many chapters also have boxed information that is relevant to the subject matter and expand on certain aspects in the text. The first three chapters focus on education about bullying. They not only define bullying, but also discuss the possible causes of bullying and the stereotypes that exist about these types of children. Sheras highlights why bullying needs to be addressed and attempts to counteract the common misconceptions about bullies and victims. The next few chapters offer not just education, but also guidelines on how to identify and intervene if your child is a bully, victim, or bystander. Often this last category is forgotten, however psychological harm can also occur if your child watches bullying situations occurring. In these few chapters Sheras provides a framework for interacting with children based on their set of circumstances and includes assessing a child’s abilities to handle the situation. Sheras emphasizes the need to evaluate the situation and the child completely in order to know how to proceed and whether the child is adequately ready to intervene by him or herself. The last few chapters also offer guidelines, but they are aimed at interventions that require outside assistance. Sheras provides suggestions for parents in order to facilitate meeting with other parent’s, school officials and most importantly whether police or counselors should be contacted. This book emphasizes the notion that victims and bullies are often thought to be experiencing normal phases of development, however, sometimes the negative characteristics such as loneliness and elusiveness that a child develop are in response to a preventable situation. Parents may overlook symptoms, which result in negative consequences. Sheras provides a guideline to identify whether a child may be suffering from a bullying situation, how to address it and where to go for outside assistance including a list of resources at the end of the book.
This book can be described as an educational tool. It teaches about bullying and most importantly gives guidelines on what a parent should do if they suspect either their child is a victim or bully. The guidelines provided are clear and achievable. Additionally, vignettes and examples help to clarify the guidelines. Sheras provides “what if’s” so that if a child is not responding to the intervention it may be modified to improve its effectiveness. He places a great burden on the parents to rectify a bullying situation, however the parents should feel prepared to intervene after reading this book. Parents are informed about how to get involved and effectively remedy numerous situations. Upon completion of this book, the reader should be able to intervene in a bullying situation and be able to rectify it without causing any psychological harm to the child involved. Although Sheras’s guidelines may be difficult to follow, they are specific enough that any parent should be able to accomplish them. For example, Sheras describes how to interact with the parents of another child. His recommendations are to not get emotional and wait to hear both sides of the story. For many parents this may be difficult especially if your child is coming home in severe distress and the parents of the bully are denying anything is occurring. These guidelines although accurate and clear may not be easy to follow and may require practice before confronting the children or adults involved.
Although I think this book is best used as reading for any parent in order to be able to identify and rectify bullying situations before they escalate, it may not be presented to a parent early enough. The limitation is that if a family seeks out psychotherapy for a bullying situation, they have already suffered severe enough consequences from the situation that some of the book will lose its utility. However as stated above, this book is divided into chapters that can be individually assigned to a parent. Additionally, it can be used as a tool for educating parents about bullying and to help them understand their child’s perspective in the situation. If read in conjunction with ongoing psychotherapy this book may make time available that would have been used for education and that can now be used for treatment.
Although the book is written in a clear and understandable manner that those without a psychology background could read, some of the chapters seem to repeat similar information. Instead of using the entire book in conjunction with psychotherapy, the most relevant chapters may be chosen to ensure the parent reads the information thoroughly. Additionally, even though I stated above the guidelines set out by the author are clear and attainable, it should still be the psychotherapist’s responsibility to help guide the parent in the way it is best for them to respond. The guidelines are just that, a framework to follow, however, for a parent who has sought help, it should be the clinician that helps mold the guidelines to fit the exact situation. The author notes this with his examples of “what if’s” which illustrate that not every situation will be resolved through the use of his book.
Overall Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding and Ending School Yard Tyranny is a useful resource for parents who fear their child may be suffering from a bullying situation. The recent increase in school violence that has caused such horrendous tragedies highlights the need for this book to be read by parents who suspect their child may be either a bully or victim. For situations where the incident has escalated enough to warrant psychotherapy this book is a useful educational tool that can readily be used in conjunction with ongoing psychotherapy.