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Can Your Relationship Be Saved?: How to Know Whether to Stay or Go.
By Michael Broder. Atascadero, CA: Impact Publishers, 2002, 140 pages, $15.95.
In the United States fifty percent of all marriages will end in divorce. This does not take into consideration couples that live together and break up, those in long term relationships, or those who stay in unsatisfying marriages or relationships. The book Can Your Relationship Be Saved?: How to Know Whether to Stay or Go helps individuals assess their relationships and gives them the tools necessary to make the decision whether to end the relationship or work to improve it.
The book Can Your Relationship Be Saved?: How to Know Whether to Stay or Go, by Michael Broder, is directed toward people in any kind of relationship. The relationship may be marriage, dating, long term, short term, or of any sexual orientation. This book is suitable for people who are in a troubled relationship, those looking back on a relationship that has already ended, those trying to figure out why the relationship of someone close to them has gone wrong, and those trying to understand their own behavior or attitude patterns or the behaviors of those with whom they were involved. Since the question “can this relationship be saved” is one that is frequently asked of mental health professionals, this book is also suitable for them as well as clergypersons, attorneys, or others who help people make decisions about relationship transitions. This book is easy and quick to read. It can be read in its entirety or by specific section that pertains to the individual.
The first part of Broder’s book has the reader assessing his/her present relationship. This includes the “Can Your Relationship Be Saved? Self-Assessment Inventory.” This inventory consists of a series of true false questions that he then helps the reader to interpret. The second part of the book is dedicated to helping people work through their ambivalence in regard to their relationship. This section helps the reader evaluate staying in the relationship versus leaving the relationship. Throughout this section Broder asks the reader many questions. These questions help the individual clarify and reflect on his/her situation. A strength of this book is that Broder asks these questions as if the reader were sitting in his office with him, yet he/she can answer them in the privacy of his/her own home. This section also includes many helpful case studies as well as quotes from a variety of people. These are helpful because they let readers know that they are not alone and can help them identify with people in situations similar to their own. During this part of the book Broder suggests activities such as a trial separation and professional counseling as ways in which to end ambivalence. He also walks the reader through a visualization process in which the reader imagines what it would be like to end the relationship.
The final section of the book assumes that ambivalence has been worked through and the reader has decided to stay in the relationship or leave it. If the reader has decided to work to save the relationship then this section helps him/her gain insight into how to make the relationship work and keep it solid. Specific strategies and principles are given to aid the reader in doing this. If the reader decides to end the relationship, Broder helps him/her to gain insight into his/her life as a single person and gives strategies to maximize his/her happiness. The reader is reassured that he/she can survive being alone and is given ways in which he/she can make the transition to single life easier.
At the end of the book Broder also includes other resources that may be of help to people reading the book. Such sources are hotlines, websites, referral sources, and tips for legal consultations.
In conclusion, this book is recommended to any clinician dealing with clients who are trying to decide whether or not to end a relationship. The clinician can act as an impartial observer who can help the individual assess the strengths and weaknesses of his/her relationship; and Can Your Relationship Be Saved?: How to Know Whether to Stay or Go can help with this assessment process. Doing the suggested exercises throughout the book and discussing them in psychotherapy could help someone develop a perspective about his/her relationship. This perspective, along with the guidance of the clinician, can help the reader make his/her own life decisions by using his/her own inner wisdom. This book simply provides a map to follow when doing so. While it seems to have been written primarily as a self-help book, it does seem that is can be used effectively as an adjunct to ongoing psychotherapy for individuals dealing with these difficult issues.